How to write the biography of a loved one who has passed

The hardest part is getting started

Writing the biography of someone who is no longer here is an act of love. It is also, often, an act of urgency. Because every day that passes without documenting their story, some detail fades, some anecdote is lost, some nuance of their personality blurs in the collective memory of the family.

Maybe you have been thinking about it for weeks or months. Maybe you have tried sitting down to write and did not know where to begin. Maybe you stared at a blank screen, feeling that no words could ever do justice to this person.

That is perfectly normal. Writing about someone you love and have lost is emotionally complex. But this guide is here to help you with the practical side: what information to gather, how to organize it, what tone to use, and what mistakes to avoid. By the time you finish reading, you will have a clear plan to sit down and write the biography this person deserves.

Before you write: gathering raw material

The most common mistake when writing a biography is sitting down and trying to write immediately. Before you put a single sentence on the page, you need to gather information. The more material you have, the easier the writing process will be and the richer the final result.

Talk to family members

The best biographies do not come from a single mind. Every family member holds different memories, different perspectives, and anecdotes that others may not know about. An older sibling will remember things from childhood that the children never witnessed. Grandchildren will have a different picture than a spouse. A lifelong friend will bring a dimension that the family may not see.

Ask specific questions. Do not ask "tell me what they were like," because that generates vague answers. Instead, ask things like:

• What is the earliest memory you have of them?
• What did they do in their free time?
• What was their favorite meal and why?
• Was there a phrase they always repeated?
• What was the hardest moment you saw them overcome?
• What advice did they give you that you have never forgotten?

These questions open doors. One answer leads to another, and suddenly you have an hour of conversation filled with valuable material.

Look for photos and documents

Photographs are memory triggers. Pull out albums, go through folders on the computer, ask relatives to share theirs. Every photo has a story behind it, and many of those stories are exactly what you want to tell in the biography.

Beyond photos, look for any documents that can add data or context: certificates, letters, newspaper clippings, diplomas, personal notebooks, handwritten recipes, business cards from their shop. Everything contributes.

Take notes without filtering

At this stage, write everything down. Do not worry about order or relevance. Record every anecdote, every fact, every detail that comes your way. There will be time to select and organize later. Right now, the priority is that nothing is lost.

A practical tip: record your conversations with family members if they give you permission. It is hard to take notes while someone is telling you something emotional, and recordings allow you to revisit the details afterward.

What to include in the biography

A good biography is not just a list of dates and places. Nor is it an endless text that covers every single day of a person's life. The balance lies in combining essential facts with the stories that made this person unique.

The basic facts

These are the framework that supports everything else: where and when they were born, where they grew up, what they did for a living, who they shared their life with, how many children they had. These facts provide context and place the reader in a specific time and place.

Do not present them as a data sheet. Instead of "She was born in Manchester on March 14, 1945," try something like "She was born in a small terraced house in Manchester, in a March that her mother always said was the coldest anyone could remember." The facts are there, but the sentence has life.

Achievements and defining moments

What did they do with their life? We are not talking only about awards or degrees. An achievement can be raising four children while working from dawn to dusk. It can be building a small business from nothing. It can be teaching three generations of children to read in a rural school.

Think about the moments that marked a before and after in their life: a move to a new city, a career change, an illness they overcame, a trip that shifted their perspective, the birth of a child, the loss of someone important.

The anecdotes that define their personality

This is where the biography truly comes alive. Anecdotes are what make the reader feel they know this person, even if they never met them.

Do not search for grand stories. Sometimes the best anecdotes are the smallest ones: how they made their morning coffee, what song they always sang in the car, how they reacted when someone asked for help, what they did on Sunday afternoons.

For example: "Whenever anyone asked how he was doing, he always said the same thing: 'Still here, not bothering anyone.' And it was true. He was the kind of person who took up his space quietly, but when he was gone, the emptiness was enormous."

Those kinds of details are what turn a correct biography into a memorable one.

Their legacy in the community

What impact did they have on the people around them? How do their neighbors, coworkers, and friends remember them? Sometimes a person's most important legacy is not in what they did, but in how they made others feel.

If they were a teacher, perhaps former students still remember them. If they ran a shop, perhaps the whole neighborhood misses them. If they volunteered at an organization, perhaps their work still bears fruit today. Including these external perspectives enriches the biography enormously.

How to organize the information

You now have all the raw material. The next step is deciding how to present it. There are two main approaches, and both work well depending on the situation.

Chronological structure

This is the most intuitive approach: telling the life story from beginning to end, following the order of time. It works especially well when the person's life has a clear narrative with well-defined stages: childhood, youth, professional life, retirement.

The advantage is that the reader can follow the thread easily. The disadvantage is that it can become monotonous if there is no variation in pace. A useful trick: you do not have to cover everything with the same level of detail. You can cover their childhood in two paragraphs and dedicate an entire section to the years they ran their carpentry workshop, if that is what best defined them.

Thematic structure

Instead of following a time line, you organize the biography by themes: their professional life, their family, their hobbies, their personality, their legacy. Each section addresses a different aspect of who they were.

This approach works well when you have a lot of information about some facets of their life but little about others, or when the most interesting thing about the person does not unfold neatly along a timeline. For example, if someone dedicated their life to three very different passions, such as music, cooking, and volunteering, it might be more engaging to dedicate a section to each rather than trying to weave them into a single chronological thread.

The mixed approach

In practice, many great biographies combine both methods. You can follow a general chronological thread but pause for thematic detours when needed. For instance, narrate their life in order until you reach their years as a fisherman, and then open a parenthesis to explore in depth what the sea meant to them.

There is no single correct formula. The best structure is the one that best tells the story of that particular person.

Getting the tone right

This is probably the most delicate aspect. The tone of a biography can make the reader connect emotionally with the person or make them feel distant and generic.

Third person, but with soul

A biography is written in the third person. "Mary was born in..." or "Antonio worked for..." But third person does not have to mean cold. You can, and should, convey emotions, admiration, warmth, and even humor.

Compare these two sentences:

• "She was a very hardworking person who was dedicated to her family."
• "She got up at five every morning, even on Sundays. She used to say that the mornings were hers, the only time of day when the house was quiet. She would have breakfast ready for everyone before anyone else woke up."

The second says the same thing as the first, but it shows rather than tells. And that makes all the difference.

Let their personality shine through

If this person had a sense of humor, let it show. If they were quiet, let it come through. If they had a strong character, do not soften it. The biography should sound like the person you are describing, not like a generic obituary.

Including direct quotes helps a great deal. If you remember phrases they used to say, use them. "As she always said: 'As long as there is health, everything else can be fixed.'" Those phrases are like hearing their voice, and for those who knew them, they will be a wave of nostalgia. For those who did not, they will be the best way to imagine what this person was really like.

Neither too formal nor too casual

Avoid excessively formal or institutional language. You are not writing an obituary for a newspaper. But do not write as if you were telling the story over drinks at a bar, either. The sweet spot is a tone that is respectful, warm, and personal. As if you were telling this person's story to someone who genuinely wants to know them.

If you need a reference point, think about how you would tell this story to a grandchild of that person twenty years from now. With respect, with warmth, with the intention that they truly get to know them.

Common mistakes to avoid

After accompanying many families through the process of documenting the stories of their loved ones, these are the mistakes we see most frequently.

Being too generic

"They were a good person," "they always had a smile," "everyone loved them." These phrases could describe anyone. And precisely because of that, they describe no one. The biography needs to answer the question: what made this person unique?

Instead of "he was very generous," tell the story of the time he gave his coat to a stranger in the middle of winter and came home shivering. Instead of "she loved children," describe how every Sunday she sat on the living room floor to play with her grandchildren and forgot about everything else.

Leaving out the small details

Small details are the ones that move people the most. The scent of their cologne. The way they adjusted their glasses before reading. The sound of their keys in the door. The brand of cookies they always bought. Those details are what make someone reading the biography fifty years from now think: "I wish I had known them."

Do not leave them out thinking they are unimportant. They are the most important details of all.

Over-idealizing

It is natural to want to present your loved one in the best possible light. But a biography in which everything is perfect does not feel believable or human. It is not about airing their flaws, but about acknowledging that they were a real person, with contradictions and imperfections.

"He had a difficult temper in the mornings, but once he had his first coffee, he became a different person." That is human, relatable, and endearing.

Not asking for help

You do not have to write the biography alone. Ask other family members to read the draft, to add details, to correct anything that is not quite right. The biography will be better if it is a collective effort. No one knows every facet of a person, and every perspective adds value.

Where to publish the biography

Once written, the biography needs a place to live. A document saved on a computer risks being lost over time. A printed page can deteriorate.

On Vestigia, you can create a managed profile for your loved one. A managed profile is a public, permanent space where you can publish their biography, their photos, their achievements, and everything you want to preserve of their memory. You manage the content, but the profile is dedicated to that person.

It is free, it has no artificial limitations, and it is designed specifically for this purpose: ensuring that no life is lost to oblivion.

Start today, even if you do not finish today

Do not wait until everything is perfect to begin. The biography does not have to be completed in a single day. You can start with what you remember, publish a first version, and keep adding information over time as other family members share memories and details.

What matters is starting. Because every day that passes, memory erodes a little more. And once a story is lost, there is no way to recover it.

Your loved one deserves to have their story told. And you are the right person to tell it. Start now and give their memory the permanent space it deserves.